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Submitted on
February 24, 2013
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Sitting in melancholy
edges are white
buildings grow blurry
and fade out of sight
left is an image
bleeding with blue --
a stained rose of flaking gold
and a melody left askew.

There isn't anyone who
knows I am here
Whatever I touch
I can only besmear
I'm a dim-lit lantern
lost in dark sea
I am powerful silence
and silence is me.

A plethora of gravel
once weighed down my soul
they now reside in
a cavernous hole.
I'm crouched here, hollow
everything's bleared
and from my hopeless eyes bloomed
a scarlet-red tear.
Suggestions are welcome! Please comment and tell me what you think.
The last two parts were added on March 4th.
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:icondbutterfly1969:
DButterfly1969 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
i like this poem, you did very well writing it. i just think that if you start a poem with rhymes you should continue in the same style all the way through. if you are not sure if something rhymes just read it aloud few times. it's sometimes hard to write fixed form poems, but you can always find synonyms to what you want to say or just re-fraze it. good look in the future :)
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:iconerraticdream:
ErraticDream Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for your feedback :)
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:iconpyro-lynn:
Pyro-Lynn Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This kind of reminds me of the second Alice in Alice Human Sacrifice.
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:iconkmsymphonyofsilence:
KMSymphonyOfSilence Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Even though it's short, it has good imagery because of the colors. It's a good poem
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:iconerraticdream:
ErraticDream Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you - I'm working on another part now.
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:iconlittlerecklessheart:
littlerecklessheart Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
It's flawless.
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:iconhateandlovemyself:
HateandLoveMyself Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you should really add more :) it's already nice but... it would be better if you elaborated on the emotion of the poem :D
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:iconerraticdream:
ErraticDream Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you! I'll take your advice and make a longer, more detailed poem when I have time.
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